A BIOGRAPHY, OF SORTS

I was born in the year 1973 in Anchorage Alaska, three weeks late (which explains a lot).  I also grew up and lived there in relative cultural isolation (or so I thought) until I was 24 years old and moved to Grand Forks, North Dakota to attend college and be closer to family.

Speaking of family, my mother lives in South Dakota, and I don't call her enough.  My sister lives in New York City and is a theatre graduate student, and I tolerate her insolence because, well, she demands I do - word to the wise, don't piss her off.  Or my mother.  They both have contributed a great deal to my blunt way of thinking, which is a blessing and a curse.

In high school, I played football, I wrestled, I was in band, I worked on the school paper, and I did some acting, while managing to maintain a GPA of 3.1 ( I could have done better, but that late and lazy thing got me) while working 30 hours a week.  This meant limited sleep, which severely dampened by ability to be tactful and polite.  Well, that and my older sister, father, and Irish heritage.

I learned (though not early enough) that being a disrespectful little shit (not that I was ever really little) gets you in trouble, unless you mock something the person you are conversing with dislikes.  This developed in me the amazing ability to mock and ridicule both sides of an argument, which plays well into what I do.  For instance, if your playing to an Ivy League tree-hugging hippy crowd, George W. is a moron and the war is about oil.  If you're playing to a Beer-Swilling redneck crowd, the Dixie Chicks should shut the hell up and Tim Robbins is a Commy traitor.  

I also learned that intelligent, "polite" satire is a good way to get laughs and kiss your 10th grade history teachers ass, but not always the way to entertain drunken college students.  Sometimes, it pays to be rude.

I've always loved to write and draw and perform - basically, to create tiny, separate worlds in which the only thing that matters is fun, excitement, and laughs.  I'm not one for heavy drama (though heavy burritos are nice) because if I want to escape the pain of the real world, then I don't want to be reminded of my pain because of someone else's pain.  There are some exceptions to this, but for the most part, it's true.

Speaking of drama, my cynical nature stems mainly from the fact that my father passed away from cancer four days before he was going to retire and enjoy everything he had worked for his entire life.  But he also had done more living in his fifty-five years then most can do in ninety - he grabbed life by the horns to live it to it's fullest (and I imagine also to avoid stab wounds to the ass).  This lead me to the realization that life is short and pretty much unfair, so get as much out of it as you can, but don't take it to seriously.  This played a major part in me overcoming my fear and going on stage.

Ah, yes.  My first time performing stand-up comedy on a real stage, and not just in front of my family and friends.  It was in December of 2000, at the Westward Ho (May She rest in peace, dear friend), and I pretty much stunk the place up.  But, four weeks later, something clicked, and I got a lot better.  I'm not always great, but I'm seldom less than adequate (and those times that I am, well, it's the late and lazy thing again).  

So, who and what are my targets?  Pretty much anyone and anything that I can make fun of, whether it/he/she deserves it or not.  Although, in a way, everyone has it coming.  Politicians, Protestors, Clergyman, Racists/Homophobes, you named it, I've bashed it.  And the more tasteless the target, the more tasteless my jokes.  I may cross over that imaginary boundary in people's heads now and then, but you know what?  It's called the first amendment.  Read it sometime, you might learn something.

And I hope you've learned something from reading this - mainly, that I have too much time on my hands and like to rant incoherently for sentences; nay, paragraphs; at a time.