By Scott Wells

     The issue will be put up for a vote at a Grand Forks City Council Meeting in Mid-March.  The Council wants to conduct a feasibility study to make sure the city can support the two parks..

     "I don't get you people," said The Creator Of All Things at a press conference held at the Convention and Visitor's Bureau.  "I mean, seven  years ago I wiped out your little town - and let's be honest, it's NOT a city, no matter what some high-priced marketing company tells you - as a wake-up call to the world.  And you still haven't done a Me-Damn thing to protect yourselves.  Instead, you let a handful of rich, cry-baby landowners on the Red River's edge delay the construction with re-zoning demands, placing all 50,000 of you at risk; and instead of dikes, you build event centers and golf courses. 

     "Seriously, One Billion dollars in damage, and you want to add more water to a flood plain?  Have you learned nothing from My Righteous Anger?  Do you think you'll be spared from My Increasing Wrath?  Or are you all just really retarded?"

     While most seemed please with the concept of a second water park, not everyone is in favor of the idea.  Mayor Mike Brown doubts the city can support both parks.

     "The city can't support both parks," the Mayor said.  "And I'm afraid if we allow God's Plan to go forward, Canad Inn might get cold feet for developing their hotel.  Can we afford to offend the Canadians?  I for one don't think so."

     While Canad Inn General Manager Kevin Stire couldn't be reached for comment, the Highest of the High was clear in his plans.

     "Do I think My Water Park can compete with Canad Inn's?  Let's just say I think it will wipe them off the map..  Their park is limited by being indoors.  Mine will be outside, and will be as large as Grand Forks.  Their Construction cost will be extensive; My Park can be created with the simple wave of the hand.  And whereas they will have to charge $18 admission, My Park will be free to the public.  In fact, you're all invited to attend."

    When asked about planned attractions, the Lord became quite excited.  In a low, booming voice He spoke:  "Oh, there will be water slides of tremendous stature.  While most water slides are barely big enough for one person, Mine will be large enough for entire houses.  You can simply slide them down the dikes in East Grand Forks, since they were smart enough to build theirs.  Their will also be large swimming pools with tremendous waves for surfing.  And that little fire downtown in 1997?  You ain't seen nothin' yet."

    The Grand Forks Herald is doing it's part to push the idea for a second water park, publishing this editorial:

     "If Grand Forks wants to be a destination City, then it should green-light God's Idea.  We have made tremendous recovery since the FLOOD of 1997.  And we believe the city can and will support both parks.  The Alerus and The Ralph as both thriving, right?  I mean, yes, the Alerus is losing money and the Ralph  isn't actually ran by the city, but hey - you get my point.  Besides, the two water parks wouldn't really compete - I mean, they're on the opposite ends of town, and while Canad Inn's would be indoors, The Holiest of The Holy's would be outdoors.

     "We can no longer to afford to focus on the devastating losses created by the FLOOD of 1997.  We most move forward, and this would be a positive step in moving past the painful memories of the FLOOD.

     "Think of the jobs that would be created by such a water park.  A construction boom would be created in this city, the likes of which haven't been seen since the late spring of 1997, right after the FLOOD.  And since God plans on using natural river water, the actual environmental impact should be negligible.

     "Besides, we could always use another Pulitzer Prize.  We haven't received one since we were covering the FLOOD."