| Well, you've done it. You’ve launched a successful recall
petition against a man who's clinging to power like dingleberrys on a dog's
tail. Now, who to replace him?
If I lived in California, I'd vote for Gary Coleman. But, I don't live in
that poorly managed hellhole, so I can only tell you why I think you should
vote for him. I'd like to start by pointing out some obvious flaws with the
other candidates:
- Arnold Schwarzenegger – He’s running as a Republican, but he’s married
into the biggest liberal Democrat family of all. Now, imagine the tension
at family reunions if he wins, and Arnold gets into a policy argument with
a drunken Uncle Teddy. Fists flying, drinks spilling, and pants dropping.
I don’t think it’s right for you to do that to the man. Not to mention the
fact that with California’s well-known problems with public schools, 90%
of kids probably couldn’t spell Schwarzenegger. And remember, a few years
ago, he had heart surgery – do we really want another republican with
heart problems in a high-profile government position?
- Larry Flynt – I’m not going to attack his publications or his morals.
My only concern is that if he becomes governor, Hustler would do a special
“Government:” issue, and tell me – does anyone want to see Barbara Boxer
or Diane Feinstein naked?
- Cruz M. Bustamante – “No” on recall, “Yes” for me? This guy needs to
make up his mind. That, and the same spelling issues with Schwarzenegger.
- Arianna Huffington – She's the former wife of a senator and she hasn’t
paid taxes in two years – yeah, sounds like the average person to me.
Besides, she probably learned everything she knows about government from
her former husband the senator, and if senators were meant to be heads of
state, Al Gore would have won the presidential election. OK, bad example,
but you get my point.
So then, why should you vote for Gary Coleman? Well, the reasons are vast
and complex. They include his temper and short-man’s complex. But, there is
one main reason why I would vote for Gary Coleman.
He could kick Emanuel Lewis’s ass. And man, did I hate Webster!
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